I’m so pathetic so needy that I need God to carry me. I cannot stand on my own nor do I have the courage to try.
I am a baby. I’m so uneducated so poorly developed that all I can do is burble. I’m so inarticulate that I cannot express what I want or understand.
At church one time I saw a father holding his baby and the baby started to cry. So the father patted its back and swayed it back and forth and changed its position in his arms but the baby would not be comforted. Finally the mother takes the baby and the baby immediately stops crying. That’s what it wanted. I’m like that. I desperately need comfort so I try different things to comfort me. I tried watching movies. That didn’t work. I tried reading books on farming (which was an interest of mine) and that didn’t work. I tried other things too. But none of these things comforted me. Finally God took me up into His arms. And BINGO! I was comforted. Thats what I wanted all along but I didn’t know. I’m so stupid I didn’t even know what I wanted.
“Graciously hear us, Lord, for we seek only You. You are near to those whose heart is right. Open Yourself to accept our sorrowful spirit; calm our bodies and minds with the peace which surpasses understanding. Amen.”
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God has let me understand that He gave me a gift. A gift of life. And that I have been disgusted and throwing it back in His face saying I don’t want it! I never wanted it!
My feelings of exile is acute. I don’t belong here. But God has given me this gift of a cross to bear that I dare not refuse Him.
I am such a wretch! I cannot think of another word. If I could only love the cross! If I could only cling to the cross that God has given me so that I could please Him as The Son pleased The Father by taking up His cross as an example for us all. How is it that God has called me to be His daughter when I am so evil and so ungrateful?
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Someone told me that people will know me by the fruit that I bear. Since then I’ve been worrying about how to bear fruit. Then I realized that the tree doesn’t worry about what kind of fruit that it bears or how to do it. It just does it. Out from it’s own being it didn’t even need to think about it. If only I could bear fruit that would benefit my neighbors!
Dear Lord, let my fruit be love, patience, virtue, strength, humility. Free me from pride, from stubbornness, from selfishness, from vainglory. Don’t let me judge! I fear mostly Your judgement because I am so weak in the flesh. I don’t deserve Your blessings.
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A few years ago I gave up praying. My soul was so dry and so empty that I gave up on Him. Fool that I am! How blind I was! Who could help me but You? Out of my own pride I thought I could help myself. (I scoff at my stupidity now because it’s just plain stupidity!) How the devil must have laughed! How happy he was. He prodded and encouraged me and would have done so to my death so that he could carry me off to hell. This foolishness is only the start of my treason. I won’t go into how far I sunk because I sank pretty low. But God took pity on me as he always does to the lowliest of creatures and stretched out His hand (I think He must have had to stretch pretty far) and pulled me out. How awesome God is! I didn’t ask Him to do it. I certainly didn’t deserve Him to do it. But He did. If only I could forgive someone who betrayed me the same way. If only I could reach out my hand to help them! I want so much to please Him. But my hands are too small. My arms are too short. My heart is too evil. God must do it for me.
Dear Lord, may I never stray from You again. May I never show contempt for You and Your mercies again. Don’t let my pride lead me astray. Let me stay on the path to righteousness. Take my love of vanities from me. Help me shun the ways of the world. Lead me into Your light so that I may shine only for You. If only I could stop offending You day after day! Have pity on me, Lord! My soul is too weak! I am like the publican who strikes his breast. I cannot even raise my eyes to you. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
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What is being written here on the web is because I believe that God has impressed on me to do so. It was definitely not my idea. It wouldn’t have come from my own brain because I don’t like to share my own thoughts. It’s my own space that no one is allowed to enter. But God asks very little of me. I couldn’t so no. So in obedience to Him...
I was thinking about the prayer that we say before we take Jesus into ourselves, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof. But only say the word and my soul shall be healed.” This is a prayer to be said many times a day. At least I should. My heart is so impure, so lacking in virtue that I need Him to heal me. My soul seems to be irreparable. How can the Lord of Hosts stand to be in my presence let alone under my pitiful roof? How demeaning it must be for Him! Yet His love is so abundant that it pours out of Him and engulfs whoever is around Him no matter how low they may be. May it engulf me forever! Let me drown in it!
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I don’t know anybody at my church. But I long for a mentor who would guide me in the ways of God. I started studying the Bible and other spiritual works. But it is so hard and my poor brain can’t take it all in. I’ve applied to become a carmelite secular. The group only gets together once a month. Perhaps that is all God will allow me for now. Maybe my sins have so blackened my soul that God only allows me a sip from His Living Water every 30 days so that I may not become frightened and run away from the medicine that I need to become whole.
Have mercy on me Lord. Don’t let me turn to the world for guidance. Deliver me from wicked company, lest I follow them to hell.
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As I was cooking bacon (one of my many vices) my thoughts turned to pornography and how I wouldn’t allow it in my house. At first I didn’t know why. I knew it to be wrong but I wasn’t sure why. But God had mercy on me once again and showed me. Please bear with me because I have trouble explaining things. I would ask Him for this gift but I ask too much of Him already. (I have many troubles and am constantly alerting Him on the subject in case He didn’t already know or forgot.) Lord, please guide my hand so I may not be misunderstood! The subject of a naked body is a tricky one. God made the form of man and woman and He in His love and kindness made them to be very beautiful. I imagine because He Himself is very beautiful and He made man in His own image. All of His creation is very beautiful (even cockroaches, which I imagine think themselves to be very beautiful - though I myself do not). We are commanded (not suggested as a rule of thumb-but a command) to love our neighbor as ourselves. Love necessitates respect. You cannot love someone and not respect them. It is impossible to disconnect the two. In an indirect manner we were commanded to respect our neighbor. And this is whether our neighbor wishes to be respected or not. We obey our Lord (out of His goodness and kindness He has allowed a way for us-Blessed be God forever!- to do so), not our neighbor. (Please forgive my interruptions and rabbit trails. That is how my mind works. It is simple like a child and fragmented like broken glass.) The world has taken the images of the beautiful body that God has created and expressed it in such a way to incite lust. To be in awe of the beauty of God’s creation is one thing, but to look at it in lust is another. It is a base sin and to be torn out of our minds and hearts even if it pains us to do so. There is only one thing you can look at in lust (and it must be heavily tempered in love) and that is your spouse. The drawing of the physical body (which is what I mean by lust of a spouse) is a gift from God but as a gift it must be treated only in the way God Himself has meant it to be. We must not try to alter this gift to use it in a way that would debase our souls and lead us to hell. The Love of God cries out in anguish because the world has such a strong temptation and has lead many of His people astray. People of God, you must be careful and wary of what is presented to you by the world. Accept only what is from your Heavenly Father. Analyze everything. Inspect it. If in doubt, flee for all your worth. Fling it as far away from you as you possibly can. Don’t let it’s false beauty inthrall you and drag you in to ultimately enslave you. Because that is it’s goal. Be on your guard. Back to what I was saying. The physical attraction you have for your spouse is a good and holy thing. The physical attraction you have for anything else (even if it is yourself) is unholy. If the world flaunts it in your face turn your face away. If the world keeps putting it into your arms let your arms be loose and fall so that everything falls to the ground. If the world puts it in a pretty box and puts in under the tree as an attractive christmas gift don’t open it. In everything you do analyze why you are doing it. If you are doing it because you are being selfish don’t do it even if it is in itself a seemingly good thing. By all means look at God’s creation, be in awe of it’s beauty, it is a compliment to His artistry. But do not lust after it. If you cannot help but lust close your eyes and don’t look. It would be better if you were blind. Dear loving Father, if I look at anything with a debase heart, gouge out my eyes so I don’t offend You again.
* I must interject here that if you do, by some chance, come across someone who is naked, even though he is beautiful, tell him for the love of God put some clothes on!
* I must also interject that though you may be at a point in your spiritual life that you have cast away the tendency to lust and find yourself looking at the statue of David, for instance, and someone beside you says to himself, "If he can look at it than it must be okay and I can look at whatever nudity I want." This would be an occasion of sin to him. Be careful what you do that you do not lead, though accidentally, someone else into error.
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I briefly spoke earlier that I had many troubles. These troubles cannot compare to the tortures that Christ had to endure for our sakes. But because of my weakness and delicate disposition (of which I am thoroughly ashamed) they bother me a great deal so that I spend much of my time absorbed in them. If only I could be strong like an oak tree that is sturdy and hardy. That gives shelter to birds and squirrels. That drops it’s acorns for the animals to eat. That reaches it’s branches out so that it gives solace to anyone who turns to it for shade. But I am this delicate sprout that can only be cultivated by a master gardner in a nursery. I must be watered just so. I must be fertilized just so. Other plants must keep a proper distance so that they do not suffocate me. Weeds must constantly be attended to so I can absorb enough nutrition to live. I must be sheltered constantly from sun, wind, and rain. How can someone such as I be of use to anyone? Why am I being cultivated at all? Dear Lord, let me open my pedals and become a flower even if no one else sees me but You. Let my fragrance be pleasing to You. Take my seeds and plant them in Your potting soil. Water them with Your Living Water so they may grow to give You the most beautiful bouquet You could ever possess. Amen.
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Some pleasures are more dangerous than others. A man bound by a thick piece of rope (mortal sin) is just as enslaved as a man bound by many thin ropes (venial sin). Heavenly Father, untie me. Set me free from the attachment I have to the pleasures of this world. Help me to understand how they blind me. Let me see Your face. You alone are beautiful. You alone are peace. I long for rest. Let me rest in You.
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I have a friend who I used to enjoy talking to very much. She sees the good in me and it used to make me feel good. But now when I see her I sigh. All I want to talk about is God. She wants to talk about other things and what society thinks about it. This grieves me very much because I am very fond of her. If I asked her who her Lord was I am sure that she would say God because she is a christian. But judging from our conversations I rather think that her god is society. Society is her measuring stick. Society agrees that this is okay so it must be. I worry that if she cannot be a benefit to my soul that perhaps it would be better if I didn’t continue our friendship. This would hurt me very much because like I said I am very fond of her. She is very intelligent and has a good heart. Give me wisdom, Lord, so I can take what is only good and leave what would draw me away from You.
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Writing this blog has already become a burden to me. What if I said something wrong? What if I said something that is not in accordance with the Church and someone took it to heart and it became an occasion of sin to him? My own sins are too great, how could I bear the sin of someone else? What could I possibly do in reparation of that soul? And how would I know if it happens so that I could do something about it? This troubles me deeply. I don’t want to go on. However God has seen fit to give me this task and who am I to refuse so great a Father. Lord, guide my hand. Protect your children who don’t know any better. We grab at any idea that is appealing to our senses and scream when we’re told we’re wrong. Disregard our screams. Let us have only good. Let the toys we play with develop our souls. Feed us only with Your spiritual food. Give us only the Water of Life. Amen.
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I can hardly keep my eyes open. My troubles are weighing heavily on me and I’ve spent yet another sleepless night. I don’t know if it is the Lord who is testing me or if it is the devil who is taunting me. If it is the first, let me bear it with patience. If it is the latter--Holy Mary, pray for me. Saint Joseph, pray for me. Saint Michael, defend me.
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My school homework is to find my ancestors. What a silly waste of time it is to spend our effort searching for the dead. As Jesus said, “Let the dead bury the dead.” When my heavenly family is so vast (waiting to embrace me) that it would take a lifetime to read about them and get to know them. Right now I am reading about one of my uncles, Saint John of the Cross.
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I went back and read what I wrote. How can you read such inane drivel? I’ve been spending my time crying out to God on my own behalf instead of imparting some wisdom you can use in your own life. But now that I am trying I find that I have nothing to give. How utterly useless I am! Pluck me up by my roots and toss me away for I am nothing but a weed taking the nutrients meant for the flowers!
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I fell asleep while saying the rosary. Some may say that this is irreverent and I should have tried harder to stay awake and temper my physical body. But I think it is okay. I am not a spiritual giant or warrior that is expected to be in complete control of his faculties. I am a child still. And I believe that God smiled down on me as I drifted off to sleep while thinking of Him instead of myself for a change.
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How uneducated and stupid I am! I’ve been reading St John of the Cross. By reading I mean struggling line after line. I don’t understand it. I want very much to. Perhaps I am not ready. Maybe when my soul is a little bit older God would have developed me enough to enlighten my understanding. But in the mean time, God, please send me someone or something to barney it down for me! It’s like a puzzle I can’t figure out. It’s like a mystery movie that has no ending or explanation. I want very much to know everything at once. But God in His mercy must insist that I take only one small bite at a time so I don’t choke to death. Blessed be God forever!
“God reveals Himself to the humble under the most lowly forms. But the proud attaching to themselves entirely to that which is extrinsic do not discover Him hidden beneath and are sent empty away”
If only I weren’t so proud so I could fill my arms with Your substance!
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I’ve been pondering about how well I’ve been obedient to God. Mostly as in the aspect of this blog. If I have been including enough of my thoughts to satisfy Him. As I have said before my thoughts are very private to me and the less I say suits me very well. I have many troubles and these troubles oppress me at times that it is all I can do to shut them out of my mind and heart and think only of God. If I lay out my troubles, which in all actuality would be abhorrent to me, it may incite some sympathy or other emotion or provide some information about my past, but that is all. It would not benefit your soul which is the most valuable thing we have that must be guarded and protected at all cost. Many of us have troubles. And perhaps you have the same desire to forget them altogether as I do. Let us both abandon ourselves to God that He may cleanse our hearts and minds that the only thing we can see and understand is Him. Let us pray to the Lord-Lord, hear our prayer.
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I’ve made a decision in my life and that is to follow God wherever He may lead. The problem that keeps arising is that I don’t know what His decision is. Do I take this road? Or do I take that road? I’ve been spending my days in prayer and spiritual reading but I am no closer to an answer. Take me up into Your arms again and carry me so that wherever You go I go with You!
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Ever since I gave my days to God in prayer and meditation I have never been so content. Through His abundant mercy He has watered my poor withering leaves so that I may thrive in Him. Blessed be God forever! Words cannot express how I feel. If I could do this the rest of my life I would be the happiest person alive. God, give me patience to do what I must even though it seems to distract me from You.
I've started a new habit. Before I get out of bed I put myself into the arms of God. I would put some beautiful choir music on and just enjoy Gods presence. My mind naturally wanders but I don't let it worry me unless it is about my troubles. I squirm in His arms but soon settle down again as I turn my focus to Him. When this happens I just pretend that I am in Heaven with Him. I have the blessing of being able to do this for hours And I intend to enjoy it for as long as I can. I don't know what kind of prayer that I'm doing because it doesn't fit any mold or devotion that I know of. I'm not really meditating I don't think. I hope I'm not doing something wrong. It doesn't seem wrong to me so until God makes it known that it is I'll just keep on doing it and trust that God won't let me wander into error.
If someone were to ask me why I want to be a carmelite, I wouldn't know what to say. It's as if I'm drawn to it, like a thirsty man is drawn to water. If they were to ask why does God want me to be a carmelite, I wouldn't know how to answer that either. Since I'm too simple to understand God's plan, there would be no way of knowing what God intends for me or the plan He has for the ones who come in contact with me. All I can do as I keep myself in prayer over what path I should take is to keep my eyes on God and follow Him as best as I can.
How pitiful are our praises to You! It hurts my ears sometimes too. I can't imagine how it must sound to You who knows what true beauty is. Perhaps what true beauty is is not the sound of it but the heart behind it. How gracious You are to listen!
I still worry about the fruit I bear. I suppose I should just keep myself in the bearing of it and leave the picking to others. They should judge for themselves whether my fruit is ripe or not.
The Lord has brought His little sprout out of the world and put it under the shelter of His greenhouse for a little while so I can recover. I only hope that I am ready when the time comes to go back out again to do His work. I would rather stay hidden "under the shelter of His wings" but faith without works is not faith. I cannot be the tree that did not bear fruit so that the gardner had to chop it down. Let me not be a waste of Your time. Stay your axe a little while longer.
I've been wondering lately why on earth God would choose me to do anything. Perhaps He couldn't find anybody stupider or more inept. For some reason He chooses the simple ones to do His work. I wish He would pick someone else. I know that anyone else could do it better. But as the greatest prayer of all time was said by our Lord, "Not my will but Thine be done." Whatever I do, I do for You.
My troubles seem to be weighing down on me. I'm surrounded by them. I feel like a rabbit surrounded by jackals. Like the sky is pressing me down to the ground. Perhaps I am like a grape that needs to be crushed in order to make wine. Hopefully this is the Lord's doing. Because if it is, I know that in the end I will become the sanctified Blood of Jesus that is dispersed to His Church so that grace would be given to any who serve Him. Blessed be God forever! May we all be like grapes in the press so that Your grace may be poured out abundantly to all the earth! May Your earth overflow with it!
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I've started a new habit. Before I get out of bed I put myself into the arms of God. I would put some beautiful choir music on and just enjoy Gods presence. My mind naturally wanders but I don't let it worry me unless it is about my troubles. I squirm in His arms but soon settle down again as I turn my focus to Him. When this happens I just pretend that I am in Heaven with Him. I have the blessing of being able to do this for hours And I intend to enjoy it for as long as I can. I don't know what kind of prayer that I'm doing because it doesn't fit any mold or devotion that I know of. I'm not really meditating I don't think. I hope I'm not doing something wrong. It doesn't seem wrong to me so until God makes it known that it is I'll just keep on doing it and trust that God won't let me wander into error.
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If someone were to ask me why I want to be a carmelite, I wouldn't know what to say. It's as if I'm drawn to it, like a thirsty man is drawn to water. If they were to ask why does God want me to be a carmelite, I wouldn't know how to answer that either. Since I'm too simple to understand God's plan, there would be no way of knowing what God intends for me or the plan He has for the ones who come in contact with me. All I can do as I keep myself in prayer over what path I should take is to keep my eyes on God and follow Him as best as I can.
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How pitiful are our praises to You! It hurts my ears sometimes too. I can't imagine how it must sound to You who knows what true beauty is. Perhaps what true beauty is is not the sound of it but the heart behind it. How gracious You are to listen!
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I still worry about the fruit I bear. I suppose I should just keep myself in the bearing of it and leave the picking to others. They should judge for themselves whether my fruit is ripe or not.
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The Lord has brought His little sprout out of the world and put it under the shelter of His greenhouse for a little while so I can recover. I only hope that I am ready when the time comes to go back out again to do His work. I would rather stay hidden "under the shelter of His wings" but faith without works is not faith. I cannot be the tree that did not bear fruit so that the gardner had to chop it down. Let me not be a waste of Your time. Stay your axe a little while longer.
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I've been wondering lately why on earth God would choose me to do anything. Perhaps He couldn't find anybody stupider or more inept. For some reason He chooses the simple ones to do His work. I wish He would pick someone else. I know that anyone else could do it better. But as the greatest prayer of all time was said by our Lord, "Not my will but Thine be done." Whatever I do, I do for You.
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God keeps pouring His blessings on me! I’m like a cup that He keeps filling up with His Living Water so abundantly that it is pouring all over the table and onto the floor. People can’t help but wash their feet in it as they pass by. He has not only answered my prayers by taking me up into His arms He has shown me the path that we’re going to take together so I could see it for myself instead of worrying about it. I may only see a little way ahead but that is enough for me. I have just enough trust for the rest. I am in such awe of Him. I love Him so much. How can He possibly love me? Me, who's hated Him half of my life. I truly despised Him with everything that I had. Yet He kept calling me and calling me and showing His love for me little by little that I could not help but fall in love with Him. If only other people could see Him as I do. They would give their heart and life to Him forever. Their is no better love, none so passionate, none so deep and impenetrable!
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I’ve been begging God to let me be of some use to this world even if no one ever saw it. I would be very happy if I stayed cloistered and prayed for the world and for my prayers to reach Him and He stretched out His hand to the world to save it for my sake and no one would be the wiser. But God has allowed me to see that I HAVE already been doing good. Someone told me that during our childhood I protected him. I don’t remember that but it makes me feel very good because I was of some use. Then God pointed out to me that I was still protecting him because I pray for him all the time. I am still his protector. How awesome that is! I’m actually bearing fruit! It’s not rotten or worm infested. It’s good fruit! I can barely contain my happiness! Perhaps I am like a spinach leaf or bean sprout in that I must be harvested while I am still young so that I may be eaten and give nourishment to others. If I am harvested while I am old I would be bitter and would have been spat out of the mouth and thrown away into the garbage. Lord, let me be Your hands. Live through me so that others will see only You.
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I was thinking about how some people think that because Christ died on the cross that they will be saved no matter what they do or want. This to me would be slavery. This would be a violation of the worst kind. God does not in any way force us to do the slightest thing! That must be understood to be able to have the slightest comprehension of his mercy and love and goodness and His justice. God has given us the right since the beginning of time to choose for ourselves in everything that we want and do. If we want the pleasures of this world God is not going to stop us. On the contrary, He will let us have as much as we want even though He knows that it will kill us for all eternity in the end. If we want Him, He will give us as much of Him as we want. If we only want 25% of Him and we don't want any more, that is all we'll get. His love for us (and this is not a shallow love of a parent that spoils the child because the parent is too weak to assert discipline) transcends (God give me the wisdom to understand this myself) His desire for us to choose Him above all others. He will not keep us in a cage so that we cannot escape. Nor will He force us to come to Him if we don’t want to. We are not cocker spaniels. I’m not saying this very well. I just want to explain that if we choose the world (and you must understand that the world will bind you and lead you to Hell) than God, though His love is so great and His grief and sorrow in our decision is so great, He will not force us to change our minds. What He does is call out to us pleading to us to turn to Him because in Him is the only way to salvation and happiness and security for ever and ever. His way is not pleasing to the worldly senses. Who wants to carry a cross until their death? Who wants to continually lay down their personal wants and pleasures in order to gain something they cannot see or hear or touch? Only those with faith. Only those with enough love for God that they shed themselves of the world and it’s vanities to do nothing but love Him and serve Him. If we choose the world we will go to Hell though Jesus gave Himself willingly to torture and death. Even though God loves us with more love than we could ever possess for ourselves or our little helpless baby. Let me give another analogy because this will explain a little why God did what He did at Calvary. Let’s say you have a baby. It’s helpless in everything. You must feed him from your breast many times a day. You must change his diaper many times a day. You must pick him up and hold him and comfort him as he cries because his understanding of the world around him as he sees it is so disconcerting and overwhelming to him many times a day. Let’s say that he has been condemned by law to a life of imprisonment in some third world country where his life would be full of horrors and degradation and violation. The food he would be given, if any, would be foul. The floor of the cell he would be in would be inches thick of filth because their would be no one to clean him up. He would remain sickly and filthy and smelly and miserable and beaten all the days of his life. He would become in essence an animal. No one would teach him to speak. He could only grunt. He would be so weak he would barely be able to lift his head. Knowing this would be the fate of your little baby, would you not insist that you take his place even knowing that your child may never understand, know, or care what you did for him? Wouldn’t you do it even though he would grow up to hate you? Of course you would! Think of our pitiful and shallow love that we have for our children and compound it a gazillion times to match the love of our Father. (It may sound like I'm explaining how salvation works but I'm explaining here WHY He did it.) He didn’t just give up His life because He knew that everyone would come to Him and serve Him forever. He knew that what He was doing would be rejected and unwelcomed. He knew many would not care. He knew that many would despise Him. Regardless, He did it so we would be able to have the capacity to take the faith that we were given through grace and make a willful decision to follow Him, and He now continually calls us to come to Him. To give up our worldly pleasures and poisons (though it be sweet to the tongue it will still kill us) and sins to become clean and pure. To enter into Heaven of our own decision. And how do we do that? By continually laying down our own life for others for starters. By allowing through our will (which means we must consciously make this decision to empty ourselves of the world and seek only Him, to be filled by only Him), God to so permeate our life so that we through Him would draw others to Him. We must die so that He may live in us. We must die so that others may live. They in turn must do the same. Would that God could cover the earth through us. Would that Heaven be full and Hell be empty, not because God made this to happen through weak indulgence, but because through grace, faith, and will we chose it.
I know this is a long dissertation on something that would have been short if someone more knowledgable were explaining it. But you must remember that I am uneducated in many things and that if I made no sense you must ask your confessor to explain it better because I think this is very important. I do not want you to go another day presuming on God’s love and mercy. Keep in mind He is also just. We must make a decision of our own will to follow Him even though He goes to Calvary. That is where we must go. That must be our destination. That is our door. That is our road. He will not drag us. We must walk there ourselves. If we need help He will help us because He will walk beside us. But we must walk ourselves.
It almost sounds like I'm saying that we get to Heaven through works. This is not necessarily true in and of itself. If God had not laid down His life no matter what we did we could not enter into His rest. We get to Heaven by a mixture of grace, faith, and works. God gave us the grace of Calvary. Because of the grace of Calvary, we have faith that gives us the capacity to make the decision to do God's work. Mind you, we must loose our own will and infuse it with our Father's. What we do must be God's will. If only I were articulate!
I must also explain that once we die our will is fixed. Some think that when we die we see heaven and hell and THEN we can make a decision. Or that God let's us choose after we die. This is not how it works. When we die our will is fixed. When we die we do not have the capacity to choose because our will is in the cognitive part of our brain. We MUST choose in this life while we have the capacity to do so. May we chose well!
I have just been reminded that some people don't believe in baptism. I didn't mention it in the previous paragraphs because I take it for granted that anyone who would read this blog would be Christian (therefore baptized). For those who are not, read a little while longer so that I can explain what baptism is so that you can make a choice in the matter. Baptism is a sacrament. Which means in plain language that it is a certain moment in time where the spiritual meets with the physical to produce something that is holy. When a baby is baptized, it's soul is delivered from the effects of original sin (which was brought about by Adam and Eve - where our souls have fallen from grace) and is brought onto the road to salvation. God (the spiritual) purifies our soul with the water (physical) and makes us holy. When a child is baptized he at that time is filled with the Holy Spirit, a saint "without spot or wrinkle" As the child grows up and is now responsible for his own actions he then begins to walk on that road. Of course he will stumble and fall, go backwards or sideways, but as long as he repents (which means that he changes his ways), goes to confession and receives absolution which makes his soul pure again, he will continue on by the grace of God towards salvation. If you are not baptized your soul will not be purified and there would be no way to get to the road that would lead you to Heaven. Think about this because it is a heavy issue. I know I didn't explain it very well, but look to the scriptures or your confessor or some spiritual director who can advise you. Think about it this way, if you want to be a Christian, in order to do that you must do as Christ did. Christ, before He began his ministry, was baptized. During his ministry He had his disciples baptize people. This is in the scripture. Think about it. This is a very serious matter.
I must also explain that once we die our will is fixed. Some think that when we die we see heaven and hell and THEN we can make a decision. Or that God let's us choose after we die. This is not how it works. When we die our will is fixed. When we die we do not have the capacity to choose because our will is in the cognitive part of our brain. We MUST choose in this life while we have the capacity to do so. May we chose well!
I have just been reminded that some people don't believe in baptism. I didn't mention it in the previous paragraphs because I take it for granted that anyone who would read this blog would be Christian (therefore baptized). For those who are not, read a little while longer so that I can explain what baptism is so that you can make a choice in the matter. Baptism is a sacrament. Which means in plain language that it is a certain moment in time where the spiritual meets with the physical to produce something that is holy. When a baby is baptized, it's soul is delivered from the effects of original sin (which was brought about by Adam and Eve - where our souls have fallen from grace) and is brought onto the road to salvation. God (the spiritual) purifies our soul with the water (physical) and makes us holy. When a child is baptized he at that time is filled with the Holy Spirit, a saint "without spot or wrinkle" As the child grows up and is now responsible for his own actions he then begins to walk on that road. Of course he will stumble and fall, go backwards or sideways, but as long as he repents (which means that he changes his ways), goes to confession and receives absolution which makes his soul pure again, he will continue on by the grace of God towards salvation. If you are not baptized your soul will not be purified and there would be no way to get to the road that would lead you to Heaven. Think about this because it is a heavy issue. I know I didn't explain it very well, but look to the scriptures or your confessor or some spiritual director who can advise you. Think about it this way, if you want to be a Christian, in order to do that you must do as Christ did. Christ, before He began his ministry, was baptized. During his ministry He had his disciples baptize people. This is in the scripture. Think about it. This is a very serious matter.
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My troubles seem to be weighing down on me. I'm surrounded by them. I feel like a rabbit surrounded by jackals. Like the sky is pressing me down to the ground. Perhaps I am like a grape that needs to be crushed in order to make wine. Hopefully this is the Lord's doing. Because if it is, I know that in the end I will become the sanctified Blood of Jesus that is dispersed to His Church so that grace would be given to any who serve Him. Blessed be God forever! May we all be like grapes in the press so that Your grace may be poured out abundantly to all the earth! May Your earth overflow with it!
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